Making Love: Hermione Style
by marauderstyle
Summary: Oneshot. When three-year-old Rose asks her mother what "making love" means after overhearing the term on a Viagra commercial, Hermione comes up with a very interesting answer. Post DH. Rated T to be safe.


**A/N:** **This is one of my old stories that I meant to take further, but I really don't think there's much of a plot there. I don't like it much right now. Anyway, I got inspiration to finish this today after watching an episode of Jon & Kate +8, in which, one of thier sextuplet girls asks her father why girls have "boops". I thought it was adorable. And of course, he replied "Ask your mom".**

Rose parted way on the coffee table to make room for her toy trucks, sending newspaper ads flying everywhere. The little girl's red pigtails swung madly as she plowed the toy truck into her dad's coffee mug.

"Oh honey, don't do that." Her father said sweeping her bangs out of her face and planting a kiss there. His wife caught the mug, fortunately it wasn't full. She continued to turn idly through a catalog she received in the owl post that morning.

"Can't you finish this last bit dear?" she asked swirling the remaining coffee in the mug. Her husband obliged and gulped the rest down, then firmly planted a kiss on his wife's lips. "Do you have to go in today?" the young woman asked twirling a bushy brown lock in her fingers.

"Daddy's got a 'mergency." The little girl abandoned her truck as her father walked out to the entryway. She followed, trailing behind him like a lost puppy. She was still in her pajamas and she rubbed her little arms when her dad opened the front door. The man picked up the little girl and rubbed his nose against hers. She giggled.

"Yes he has. Sorry 'Mione, but you know I have to go." The man said to his wife as he set his daughter down, brushing his loose hand through his thick red hair.

"Sorry Mommy, but you know Daddy has to go." Rose repeated. She was in that stage when she repeated everything anyone said, and occasionally, that wasn't a good thing.

"I know, I know." Hermione said rushing to the front door and wrapping her daughter in her robe.

"You're going to freeze if you keep standing here!" she laughed as her daughter poked her head out of the robe. Hermione turned to Ron.

"Just promise you'll be home for dinner. I'm making your favorite." She whispered in her husband's ear. Just then, a raven-haired man came barreling up the steps.

"Come on Ron, we haven't got all day!" the man glanced through the screen door to see Hermione and his niece.

"Uncle Harry!" the little girl shrieked running to her uncle. The man swooped her into a big hug then wrapped her in his coat.

"Morning Rosie, 'Mione." Harry gestured at his niece and Hermione who was watching with a smile on her face from the doorway. Ron took his daughter from Harry and gave her to Hermione.

"Sorry sweetie, Uncle Harry can't play. Me and your Daddy have to go to work." Harry glanced at his watch. "Now." He said impassively. "Let's go Ron." Harry grabbed Ron by the collar and drug him down the steps.

"See you later Rosie!" Ron called waving as he turned to catch up with Harry.

"Bye Daddy!" she waved from the door. Hermione waved one last time and closed the door when her husband and Harry apparated away. Rose ran to the living room, climbed onto the couch and flung open the curtains waving as she continued to stare at the spot where her father and uncle had disappeared.

"Honey, close the curtains, Mummy's still in her pajamas!" Hermione helped her three-year-old close the curtains. Then the lively little girl took to playing with her trucks.

"Where'd you get those trucks anyway?" Hermione asked her daughter. Rose waved away a loose lock of curly red hair annoyed and looked at her mother.

"Cousin Fred gave them to me." She said with a note of irritation. Hermione took up her paper.

"Well. That's no reason to get smart with your mother." Hermione flipped through a few more pages of the paper, and then set it down on the coffee table. "Nothing interesting in there today." She picked up the remote and clicked on the T.V. She finally settled on the morning news. Rose continued to race her trucks across the table making loud noises. "Honey, could you be a little quieter?" Hermione asked, but to no avail. Actually, the little girl only got louder. Hermione sighed as she turned up the volume. Right when she turned the volume up so she could hear, the news went to commercial.

"Well isn't that nice." Hermione sipped her coffee as an ad for Viagra came on the screen. She snorted in her mug and laughed.

"Love making not what it used to be? Pick up a prescription of Viagra today! You'll love…."

"Love making not what it used to be?" mimicked Rose. Hermione stared wide-eyed at her daughter. She quickly changed the channel, but she was too late. Her trucks abandoned, Rose made her way over to the couch. "Mummy…how do you make love?" the little girl asked staring at her mother, her head tilted to one side. Hermione gulped down a large amount of coffee.

"Well, honey, uh…." Hermione was torn between the truth and her three-year-old daughter's innocence. Hermione and Ron had agreed that when any of their kids asked intuitive questions such as these, they would answer honestly as Hermione found the thought of lying 'filling their children's heads with nonsense.' Ron had laughed at this, but eventually agreed he didn't want his children to be misled by others. (cough**GEORGE**cough) But they weren't expecting their three-year-old to ask such a question!

"Well," Honestly, Hermione had expected the question 'Where do babies come from?' as she had asked her parents when she was five. Although, they never answered her. So she took it upon herself to research. "Making love is…" Hermione turned off the T.V. and headed into the kitchen. Her inquisitive daughter followed. Hermione brought out raw cookie dough and set it on the counter. Rose pulled over a chair so she could see what her mother had brought out. "Making love is making cookies with your mommy." Rose smiled. Hermione pre-heated the oven.

"We get to make cookies?" she asked excited. She wasn't ever allowed in the kitchen when Mummy was cooking. Hermione washed her hands.

"Of course! Okay, get out a pan from the cabinet." Hermione ordered her daughter. The little girl tottered over to the cabinet.

"This one?" Rose pointed at the cabinet.

"Yes dear." Hermione answered. Rose knew exactly what to do and what pan to use; she had watched her mother from the kitchen table countless times. But now, she was actually allowed to help. Rose picked out the pan that they would need, and took it over to her mother. Hermione glanced at the girl, and laughed. The pan was nearly as large as she was!

"Here, Mummy!" Rose said.

"Thank you Rosie. Now, can you find me the cooking spray?" the little girl ran to the pantry, and disappeared from view.

"Got it!" she called closing the pantry door. She hurried it over to her mother who sprayed the pan. Rose clambered onto the chair beside her mother. Hermione opened the prepackaged cookies and placed all but two onto the sprayed pan. "Mummy," The little girl asked.

"Yes dear." Hermione asked turning to the girl. Rose pointed to the last two cookies.

"What about those cookies?"

"We'll get to those." Hermione answered smiling. "Now, let's put these into the oven…" she slid the pan into the oven and turned on the timer.

Fifteen minutes later, Hermione pulled the cookie sheet out of the oven. After the cookies had cooled, she called Rose into the kitchen.

"The cookies are done Rosie! You want one?" Hermione heard a crash, heard a baby cry and immediately knew that Hugo, her two-year old son was awake. Silently, Hermione swore to herself. Hugo was a fussy baby. She had hoped that he would stay asleep for at least another hour. She hurriedly handed Rose a cookie and headed off to fetch Hugo.

When Hermione returned to the kitchen, it was to find her daughter with chocolate all over her hands and her face, the plate of cookies half eaten. Hermione just laughed. Sometimes her little girl was so much like Ron it was ridiculous.

She placed Hugo in his high chair, gave him a bottle and headed over to Rose who was just polishing off another cookie. Hermione took the plate away, but Rose didn't notice. She was enjoying her last cookie.

"You need to save some of these for Daddy, or he'll be upset." Rose licked her chocolate-y hands with interest.

"Are we done making love, Mummy?" Hermione blanched. Her daughter was going to start using the term loosely now.

"Yes honey, but you need to promise to keep a secret for me ok?" Hermione leaned in close to her daughter whose eyes widened. Rose placed her sticky hands on Hermione's face and whispered.

"What, Mummy? You can tell me! I won't tell anyone!" She stuck out her chin in defiance again reminding Hermione of her husband.

"Making love is special, and you can't just talk about it to anyone. Only me and Daddy ok?" Hermione didn't want her daughter suggesting to her grand mum, either one of them, that they should make love. "Promise?" she added, holding out her pinkie. Rose latched her pinkie onto her mother's with a solemn expression.

"I promise."

* * *

She couldn't help but tell her husband. It was just so embarrassing. How could she have told her daughter that making love was making _cookies_? She felt so stupid. All throughout dinner, Hermione was hoping that Rose wouldn't mention anything to her father. She mentioned the cookies, but didn't say anything that remotely sounded like the phrase 'making love'.

After putting the kids to sleep, Ron came over to Hermione.

"What's up? You were so quiet at dinner." He began to massage her shoulders and she instantly relaxed. She knew Ron would laugh at her. How could he not? She was so stupid sometimes.

"Your daughter asked me an interesting question this morning." Ron stopped massaging Hermione's shoulders and she turned to face him. He was grinning.

"Oh?"

"What are you grinning about?" Hermione asked trying to change the subject.

"Nothing. Nothing. Go ahead with your story." Hermione shook her head.

"Ron, I'm not dense. You are trying to change the subject. What's got you grinning like that?"

"Oh just today Harry told me that James and Albus ganged up on Ginny and asked her about, er, their anatomy."

Hermione laughed, "What did Ginny say?"

"Oh the typical 'go ask your father'. Although I don't think she really expected them going to their father." Hermione looked up at her husband.

"They did?"

"Oh yeah." Ron said grinning again. Hermione waited patiently, but Ron just sat there, his hand idly brushing through her hair.

"And..?"

"Oh, yeah. Well, Harry told them like it was. He said he was going about it the same way we decided to." Hermione blushed and turned away.

"About that…" Hermione started.

Ron was grinning again. "So what did Rose say?"

"She…well. She wanted to know what 'making love' was." Ron burst out into laughter. Hermione would've thought the situation was funny had she handled it the way she had intended.

"And you told her…?" Hermione sighed, but remained quiet.

"I told her…well, your going to think this is really stupid of me and that I'm very irresponsible and I didn't stay true to my word-"

"Hermione, stop. I could never think you were stupid. Mad, maybe, sometimes, but never stupid. So just tell me what happened. What'd you tell her?" Hermione took a deep breath.

"Itoldherthatmakinglovewasmakingcookies." She let out in one breath. Ron stared at her incredulously.

"Could you repeat that a bit slower?" he asked a small smile on his lips. Hermione sighed in frustration and leaned into Ron's chest. His arms automatically wrapped around her.

"I told Rose that making love was making cookies." Silence for a moment. Was Ron dead? Could he have had a heart attack? But no, she could feel his heartbeat. Oh she knew she was so stupid…Ron began to laugh. Slowly at first, but then he got louder and louder.

"Shh, Ronald, you'll wake the children." Ron soon calmed.

"Sorry 'Mione but that's the funniest thing I've heard in awhile. What happened to telling her the truth?" Hermione's face crumpled.

"Oh, I don't know. I just took one look into that innocent little face, and I knew I couldn't do it. You'll just have to straighten it out tomorrow."

"Right." Ron agreed. "But first, I have got to tell Harry, he'll think this is hilarious."

"Ron no!" Ron grinned at his wife.

"Shh Hermione, you'll wake the children!" he mimicked.

"Ron, please don't tell Harry. Please don't tell anyone. I'm so embarrassed." Hermione buried her face in her hands. Soon Ron's arms were wrapped around her again.

"Okay, okay, I won't tell Harry. But you better believe I will when our kids are old and going to Hogwarts." Ron kissed the top of Hermione's head.

"Right. Well, we should go to bed." Hermione suggested releasing herself from Ron's embrace.

"Hey 'Mione," Ron called to Hermione from across the room. "Wanna make love?" Hermione glared at Ron and threw a pillow at him from the couch. A pillow fight soon ensued and Ron picked Hermione up and carried her to the bedroom, both of them laughing all the way.

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed it!**


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